Decision made

Following discussions with lots of wonderful people I’ve made my decision. Thanks to all the people who have input into the process.

Ive had my wallow, had my cry, had my sulk and girded my loins for the next stage.

Im going for the total vaginectomy without reconstruction.

My consultant, has told me that he can’t guarantee that if it turns to cancer it will be caught before it spreads. The place it is most  likely to spread to is my bladder. I don’t fancy that one bit. He also said that due to the pain examinations cause me, future ones would be done under general anaesthetic if I went for the watch and wait idea. Anaesthetics aren’t great for a body, so this is pretty significant. Mentally I don’t think I could cope with wondering if cancer was spreading in my body as I went through my day to day business . So   Option one discounted.

Option 2, of just taking a small amount away just doesn’t make sense to me. If that happened the likelihood is i’d be back right here before I knew it.

Option 3. All that’s left to make with this decision is whether I have reconstruction or not. Talking to people who have had reconstructions, people who haven’t and nurses who have talked to lots of people in the preceding camps, I’ve come to the conclusion it’s not for me.

It would massively add to surgery and recovery time. Tissue would be taken from my thigh and made into a tube to make a neovagina. It would have no sensation, no lubrication, and most importantly for me risk damaging the nerves of my clitoris. Which lets face it is where the fun is.

I have visions of a lump of thigh (apparently if your thigh is hairy, well, your vagina will be too) sitting inside of me. I would feel like some sort of blow up doll if I ever had sex I think. Even if surgically it held no risks I don’t think I could mentally get my head around it.

The nurse I spoke to said in her very wide experience she knows of only two women who actually put their reconstruction to good use.

 

So there it is.

No need to go in next week, just wait for pre op appointment and crack on with it. Get it done. Recover. Get back on with life.

p.s  I’m sure I’ve said this before but having had to explain the difference to two people recently, get yourselves educated in your anatomy. Vulvas and vaginas are very different things!

 

 

 

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