Which finger did it bite?

There are times, and this may be hard to believe, that I hesitate sharing some of the finer details of this story. But I can’t only tell a bit, it’s all or nothing, so here we go..

A week ago today I decided to see if my vag still ‘worked’ the reason for this shouldn’t really need explaining. I’m 44, single, and would actually quite like to have penetrative sex again at some point. So I had a little poke, as you do….or maybe you don’t….

This was a big of a milestone really. Following a bit of a horrible GP appointment in January where she proceeded to tell me ‘there’s not a lot left’ with a slightly horrified look on her face, I have psychogically been dead from the waist down.

It did not go well. I bled, cried, bled a bit more, cried a bit more. I composed an email to my Mac nurse at midnight entitled ‘my vag’ thought better about sending it and instead rang her in the morning leaving a garbled answerphone message.

By the afternoon she had rung me back and booked me in to see Nick the following morning. The speed of that scared the daylights out of me.

My new house (bloody love it) is about 50 miles from Bath, so a long drive, but worth it to stick with the team I know. I get into the car and the radio blares out with ‘ Doctor Beat’ just on the lyrics of ‘we’re going to die yes we’re going to die’ this amuses me greatly!

Lovely Nick has a look, says he thinks it’s just granulation tissue but as its me and and we’re here a biopsy would be a very good idea.

Talking to Jane after I ask just how much vag I’ve got left. She asks what finger did I use? I sang my answer back ‘this little finger on my right’ Nope, still can’t do the adult serious thing in a medical setting.

With the aid of a medical instrument as a guide she shows me just what I’ve got left, we have a bit of a natter, then off I go again. Leaving yet another bit of my body in Bath!

Good news received yesterday that biopsy is clear….no VAIN (which was the possibility) and they will see me in 6 months. Have appointment at end of April for some urology issues, a referral to lymphodema nurse, but as far as cancer is concerned I am otherwise engaged until October.


2 thoughts on “Which finger did it bite?

  1. After my second LLETZ earlier today (looks like only CIN1 with focal 2 at this point I’m told) I was online looking for information to help me process where “I’m at”. I found your blog via the Jo’s Trust website and have just finished reading it from start to present day. I wish you all the best and hope your remission remains lifelong – as I’m sure you do! At 36 I have never missed a smear and never will – good for you for getting the message out there to those ladies who give it a swerve for whatever reason – Keep on trucking 🙂

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