Roar!!!

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Christmas Eve 2015

I went for my post op check up yesterday accompanied by my friend Kim. This may sound a little strange but I really wanted her to meet these people whose names she has heard of for the last two years. People who I consider pretty amazing. I know it’s their job but I don’t think a little appreciation ever hurt anyone.

So how do you show your appreciation to the surgeon who has operated not once, not twice but three times on you? A little bird told me that he likes real ale so when I saw this I could not resist buying it for him.

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Because quite frankly he does do a proper job!

For the nurses on the ward and the staff in the gynecology department they got a re-un of my vagina cakes. Maybe not as festive as mince pies but slightly more amusing.

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You’ll have to turn your head to the side!

I feel a bit ‘ohhh’ relaying the intimate details of the examination, but suffice to say, it all looked good. It did involve some sloughing…..which my friend found highly amusing from behind the curtain.

The good news is that I can get back on my bike 6 weeks post op. That’s fab and I am very much looking forward to that. The best news is that I am now promoted to 6 monthly check ups. However my friend suggested I go for a 3 month one in March, so I stagger my appoinments March/Sept therefore avoiding the June/December (Son’s birthday/Christmas) combination.

You will hear from me before then!

Cervical Cancer awarenes week is in January and you know I can’t resist an opportunity to bang the drum. Until then I wish you all a peaceful Christmas and a very Happy and Healthy New Year.

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Spooky

In my life some pretty weird and spooky coincidences have happened to me.

I don’t know if I believe that I have a 6th sense or these things are indeed just coincidences. As you may of gathered I’m a pretty sceptical sort.

You may also remember my analogy about pre cancer v cancer with the house being flooded as the water invaded the roof.

Well my mum returned home from staying at mine to find her bedroom flooded from a leak in the loft.

Just putting that out there.

2nd Cancerversary

Just a quick one to mark the day. Members of the cancer community know the anniversary of the date you were diagnosed is always a bit of a tricky one. Do you celebrate it? You certainly will always remember it.

Luckily for me I have something else to celebrate on this day.

2 years ago as my friend and I were sat in a room being told ‘You have cancer but I don’t think you’re fucked’ somewhere else a little girl had been born. I’m sure many babies were born on that day but there was something very special about this one.

This little girl’s birth mum couldn’t look after her. So after a length of time with some lovely foster parents, my friend became her Mum.

I think that’s kind of cool. Both my friend and I will never forget the day her daughter was born even though we never knew she existed at the time.

I was supposed to be one of the referees for the adoption process. I filled out my reference letter but it was decided that because of my situation and major surgery another referee would be given the ‘long interview’

I have to say I thought my friend was barking mad to embark on Motherhood second time round. But I was totally wrong. It makes me so happy to see her so happy.

My friend’s daughter is very special in so many ways and I love them both to bits.

Happy Birthday E. Xxxx

A hand to hold.

I’ve been sleeping lots since I got back from hospital. If there’s one thing guaranteed about a stay in hospital it will be that sleep will be hard to come by. I’m doing well. Obviously not back to fighting fit but drove the car today and have had a short stroll with the dog. Painkillers are taken by the clock rather than by the body. I’m coming out the other side for sure.

I was going to write some amusing anecdotes about medical students, catheters, members of the royal family, but I can’t bring myself to.

I have a far more important if far less jolly story to tell. I’ve tried to touch on this idea before, when I spoke about the people in my life who had been taken by cancer. It’s one of the biggest topics of all. It’s death.

I’ve never seen a dead human body, nor have I ever seen someone die. I’ve held pets as they were put down and I’ve dug graves for them but humans, no. I doubt many of us have. I refused to go and see my Dad’s dead body because I didn’t see the point.

The lady who arrived in the bed next to me on Saturday morning was an elderly lady. 92. I know her name but it’s not for me to share here. She had broken her hip with a fall 6 weeks previously, and had a hip replacement done. She hadn’t left hospital since. She was still pretty chipper, lucid, and although a little deaf, was able to hold a conversation. Her condition worsened dramatically, she had a bad chest infection (pneumonia) and was on IV antibiotics and oxygen.

She was terrified, and called out in the night ‘I’m so frightened’ ‘which way should I go?’ ‘I can’t breathe’ and ‘I know I’m going to die’

In the early hours of Monday morning I think she did ‘die’ because hoardes of nurses came running, lots of noise, commotion and she was alive at Breakfast. I lay on my bed, just metres away from her debating if I should get out, go over to her and hold her hand.

In the morning she was moved to a side room, I guess to die in peace. She did not have one visitor all the time I was there.

During my pre op appointment I think I unsettled my consultant. My argument was that if I could of been guaranteed a 15 year delay before getting vaginal cancer I wouldn’t have the op. ‘Because we are all going to die one day?’ His face looked as if this was news to him and I carried on with ‘yes, even you’

There are these amazing doctors, surgeons, nurses, saving life or preventing death every day. But have we gone too far? Death is ineviatable for all of us. I’d like to be able to choose a good death.

We all have the power to choose a good life.

Choose wisely.