Pah.

So Wednesday I had my 3 month check up.

This time last year I was in the throes of pre ops and appointments for my last surgery that was on 27th October 2014. A year later it’s all a bit de ja vu.

They were running really late yesterday. Really late. It’s not a moan because I know its absolutely not intentional but kicking around in a waiting room for an hour and a bit just adds to the ‘Get me out of here’ feeling. Especially when you know you’re waiting for is bits to be snipped out of your vagina.

Usual drill, up on the chair for a good old look see. He is going to start off with a vault smear. Therefore he can’t lube me up, and apologises it might all be a bit…..tight. Do you feel a little weird reading this? Imagine what it’s like to be the one having this conversation. It’s awkward to say the least. I have to go into joke mode to get through it. If I didn’t I would probably sob from start to finish. I think if I started sobbing I wouldn’t stop.

So I cracked some jokes, whilst having aneasthetic injections in my vag and bits of flesh snipped out of it and silver nitrate shoved up there to stop the bleeding. Get dressed with a lovely NHS pad (think brick) and go and sit down to hear the news. It still remains a very surreal experience.

After that I’m expected to have a serious conversation about treatment. A conversation about having another chunk of my vagina chopped off. I don’t want to chat thanks. I want to go home.

The next day I spoke to Jane. She read me a letter that my consultant had dictated to my GP. He found the colposcopy ‘worrying’ and the biopsies are to ‘rule out micro invasive carcinoma’.

I’m positive that if it is cancer it will be tiny as I only had a CT scan a few months ago and I’m hoping it would of been picked up on that. It’s all rather academic anyway because treatment for VAIN3 and micro invasive cancer would probably be the same.

I’m fed up. Fed up with check ups and fed up with rarely getting a ‘You’re all clear see you in 3 months’

I said to Jane  ‘I’m going to be a lifer aren’t I?’ she replied ‘We are certainly going to get to know each other very well’ She also asked if I’d looked on Cancer Research website…………………………….I tried not to reply with ‘Golly no, I’ve only been on this cancer journey for nearly 2 years, I haven’t got round to that yet’

Hopefully ringing me with results next Wednesday, and then in following Wednesday to discuss treatment.

Pah.

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