You know you’re in trouble when you are called in for your results and the Senior Consultant is sat there.
In fact he wasn’t sat there. We (myself and my MacMillan nurse) picked him up half way down the corridor.
‘I know I’m in trouble if you’re coming’
‘No. We just need to decide what we’re going to do with you’
It’s been a while since I’ve gone into babble mode. Readers will remember that my response to bad news is generally inappropriate quips. So when Jane says ‘It’s not cancer’ I don’t think they were expecting my response of ‘Ebola?’
Apparently Ebola isn’t too common in Bath at the moment so I shut up and tried to act like a grown up.
My biopsy show I have VAIN it’s a big long phrase but it basically means I have pre cancerous cells in my vagina. They are grade 2 and 3. Grade 3 is actually also called cancer stage 0 or carcinoma in situ but is not a true cancer as such. However it has the very real potential to turn into cancer and I was strongly recommended to have it surgically removed.
Didn’t take a lot in after that. Probably cracked a few more inappropriate jokes and left saying I’d have a think about it!
Later I had a chat on the phone with Jane. This is a new ‘cancer’ even though it’s not cancer, it hasn’t spread from last time or been left behind. So looks like I got 2 for the price of one. The pesky HPV virus which causes cervical cancer also causes other cancers. Vaginal cancer being another.
The other cancer it can cause is anal cancer. I’ve agreed to surgery with the caveat that ‘if I’m riddled with it up my arse there’s not a lot of point’ they are kindly going to wait until I’m under to have a good look up there.
Operation provisionally booked for 27th October. Deep Joy.