Goodie bags.

>Last weekend I went to Jo’s Cervical cancer trust ‘Lets meet’ event. On arrival we were given a ‘goodie bag’ inside were samples of lube, vaginal moisturisers and a 10% discount card for a sex toys website. If you are lucky enough to not be very knowledgable
about cervical cancer you may be wondering why we’d been given a bag more suited for a swingers convention.

I suppose I got off lightly. I didn’t have to have radiotherapy . Some ladies tumours are too big or too close to other organs to remove safely with surgery. They have to have radiotherapy and brachytherapy . This can leave horrible side effects to your bowels, bladder and vagina. I’m not going to go on about it because although I’ve read about it and heard from people about it, I haven’t experienced it. Taking out all the physical changes to your body the mental effects aren’t exactly arousing!

It was a great day. Informative workshops, knowledgable speakers and most importantly a chance to talk to others who have had cervical cancer. People who don’t bat an eyelid at the goodie bag contents. People who know how worried and scared you will always be that it will come back. People who actually get what it’s like to have had cancer in one of a woman’s most intimate places. People who speak the same language.

I haven’t written for a while. When treatment is over there isn’t a lot to say. There aren’t appointments and scans and operations. There’s just a slow coming to terms with what happened and a ever present niggle of ‘will it come back?’ I was surprised that many of the women I spoke to last weekend had been diagnosed much longer ago than I was. I was told more than once ‘Oh so very recently then’ when I told them when I had been diagnosed. It was reassuring to know that I shouldn’t be over it yet. Whatever that means.

At the end if the week I have my 9 month check up and another MRI on my back. My back has been aching pretty badly for over a month. Bad enough to be taking painkillers. It’s ok walking and moving but sitting and laying hurt.

My script for diazepam is in. I’ll be as chilled as can be in that MRI!!