Handle with Care

I’m fragile.

For lots of different reasons, most health unrelated, I have been having an incredibly stressful time of late.

Before my diagnosis my life, just like everyone elses, had it’s ups and downs.

One element of your life doesn’t unfortunately know you are having a tough time in another area. So sometimes many areas can fuck up all at once. People on the other hand are aware that different areas of your life are tough. I believe it is the ultimate evilness to add to the grief when you are aware of the strain that someone is under. Some people are society’s cancer.

I’m slowly getting my life in ‘order’. Living by the mantras of ‘What are you waiting for.’  and ‘Live.Live.Live’

I had my MRI earlier this week. The room I had to get changed in was the same room ‘cupboard next to the bog’ that I had my first conversation with my Macmillan nurse almost 5 months previously. It bought back some very painful memories.

I think it is impossible for anyone who has not gone through this to understand what I am feeling at the moment.

I am fed up of people telling me and my son that I am ‘fine’.

I have at least 4 physical things wrong that I didn’t have before my operation. Some of these side conditions will be with me for the rest of my life.

Mentally I have an understandable anxiety that these conditions may get worse, or the cancer will return.

So being in remission does not equal ‘fine’.

Rant over.