Bloody Brilliant Bladder (Part 1)

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I cannot describe how happy I am to find out that my bladder lives to fight another day.

Last week when I went to see my consultant, and was given the remission news, I don’t think anyone in the room held out much hope for it.

I know some people have said ‘Well it’s a small price to pay’ I may of even said that myself. But the reality was that having to carry around a bag of my own piss was beginning to get me down.I know some of my friends have been catherterised following c sections or operations. It’s never nice. However at least in hospital you get to hang your bag from the bed rather than having it strapped to your leg. It determined what I could wear. Luckily I wasn’t exactly out and about, but baggy trousers were the order of the day. When the bag is empty you can get away with something slightly tighter, but as it fills, it bulges massively. The tap at the end sometimes pointed North and it looked like I had a spectacularly long but semi erect cock! Emptying the bag out of the tap I began to understand why men give their cocks a shake at the end of a pee. All grimly fascinating!

I wet the bed twice. Never having been a plumber I found the whole fixing together of tubing for night time a mare. At night you have to attach a bigger bag to your leg bag. The leg bag only holds 500ml, it is very ‘going out’ purposes only!!! They came apart in the night resulting in a wet awakening. Twice I forgot to close the night bag tap off after I had attached the thigh bag, resulting in pee all over the floor. Not to mention having to rearrange tubing when you had a poo so you didn’t crap all over it. Like I say, just grim, grim, grim. The cat however liked to sleep on the duvet next to bag…….his own personal piss filled hot water bottle.

I can write about it now it is all over, but like I say, it REALLY got me down.

So yesterday was a BIG day.

Unfortunately I told my lift to drop me off at the wrong entrance. I’d mislaid my letter and although I knew the name of the ward I had to go to I didn’t know where it was. (I had been told but didn’t remember) I had to walk the length of the hospital. By the time I got to where I needed to be I was absolutely shattered. After arrival my catheter was removed. Bit of a ‘OHHH’ rather than an ‘Oww’ I was then taken to the day room where I was given a choice of water, coffee, tea, squash. The tap in the room dripped……Sadists!!!!!

The coffee was rank so after a little rest I took myself off for a latte and a ‘breath of fresh air’ The proper coffee seemed to do the job as I began to feel the sensation of needing a pee……for the first time in 20 days. I had to sit on a comode type thing hooked up with high tech gadgetry that would measure my ‘flow’ The graph I produced was very impressive. I had had my first wee! I think everyone was pretty amazed it had happened. I was told if I could pee again like that I’d be home…….

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