CT Scan

ct

I’m writing this at 12.10 so will show up as Christmas Eve but it’s really 23rd Dec.

This morning I went for my CT scan. I was going ‘private’ because the earliest they could offer me on the NHS was early January.

£325 to get one in 5 days.

Bargain.

My lovely friend organised it all for me at the hospital the day I got my diagnosis. She has been great. Talking to me in words of one syllable which is just about all I an deal with right now. She told me I had to be at Bath RUH at 9am. This morning I looked at the letter and it had in BOLD and highlighted. BE HERE 45 MINUTES BEFORE TIME. So I contacted the mate who was meeting me there and told her to be there for 8.15. It was only when we got there that we realised the appointment was for 9.50 and the 45 minutes had already been factored in.

I am not, and never have been a morning person. I wasn’t allowed to drink anything 2 hours beforehand so without my bucket of morning coffee I was feeling a little……wan.

In our busy lives we don’t often make time to really talk to our friends. I find that in life you meet lots of people, some you instantly click with and think..’Yep, I like you’ that’s how friendships are made. So i really enjoyed spending the waiting time chatting to my mate.

At about 10.30 my Macmillan nurse came to talk to me. There was nowhere for us to go and we ended up camping out in a cupboard next to the bog. Not the most conducive place to conduct a chat about cancer. She’s cool and has assured me she has changed her timetable for Friday and will be there when I get the results from the biopsy and the CT scan.

I’ll try and explain what those results will show. As I undersatnd it the CT scan is to find out how far the cancer has spread. The biopsy will tell what kind of cancer we are dealing with; a pussy cat or a tiger. I get the results for both on the 27th Dec.

I was called out of the ‘bog’ by a nurse who took me into the CT scanner room. She instantly asked me if I had paid. I told I we hadn’t but my mate was in the waiting room and she was paying, we had been there 3 hours and no one had asked us to pay. She looked at me as if to say, well we not going to do it until you pay.

Now, people who know me in real life, will understand how that went down like a sack of shit. SHe told me she couldn’t go and ask my friend to pay in front of all the people in the waiting room. I told her that she had better just get on with her job and be assured that we would pay after. Or words to that effect!!!!

She wasn’t happy with me and the feeling was mutual. I had removed all my jewellery but had forgotten my necklace. I asked if she could undo the clasp, and she fumbled around, until, exasperated the man came out from behind the glass screen and did it for me, throwing me a sympathetic look and her daggers.

I got up onto the table, shut my eyes, and just told her not to talk to me and get on with it.She needed to insert a canula. No veins were found in my right arm so she went for my left. I didn’t see what she did but she had to mop blood off the floor and from my wrist to my armpit. I then had to bend my elbows to cross my hands above my head.

Then the machine started. I didn’t open my eyes once, but it sounded similar to an airplane taking off, with one almighty clonk at one point. A mans voice came through the machine. Presumably the bloke behind the glass. It said ‘Take a deep breath and hold it’ All I could think was, that must be for me!! After about 7 seconds the voice said ‘And breathe normally’ Excellent thinks I. I can do breathing.

Canula woman returns and tells me that was the planning scan. I still do not open my eyes. She tells me that she is going to give me an injection and it will make me feel hot all over and like I have wet myself but she assures me I won’t. Not easy to believe when you’ve just had to drink a whole jug of water. She injects me and within seconds I am pleasantly warm all over and, indeed, feel like I’m pissing my pants.

The ‘Wizard of Oz’ (Thanks Paul) starts his ‘hold your breath etc’ routine. When it’s done she tells me we are done and I can get off. I open my eyes to find the donut shaped scanner over my chest. I look at her and say ‘How the fuck am I supposed to get up with that there’ She moves it, and tells me to wait outside for 15 minutes. I go outside to the waiting room and get my mate telling another nurse that I’m not waiting here, I’m going out for a fag. I’ve been stuck in there for over 3 hours and if I’m not back when they want me they will have to wait.

Private Healthcare………My Arse.

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